Monthly Archives: November 2005

my fingers hurt?

Waste literally hours of your life.

Today has been a packed day, and most excitingly I spent several hours of it down at Steve’s. As a man who knows about sound, Steve was able to help me recreate the original Leaf Fall Timetable bassline (the recipe for which had been lost in the depths of time) on the microKORG… so the new recording of it should rock all the more. Props to steve for that!

Better yet, I got to read ‘The Real Inspector Hound’ today… this has once and for all cemented my love for Stoppard. WHAT A LEGEND. Seriously funny but also seriously POST MODERN EXISTENSIALIST. Haha, as if I get to say that and it’s actually true. NO WAY. Also, as if he’s doing the new script for His Dark Materials? Woooooooooooooooo!

Message ends


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VICTORY IS MINE

Chomp on this, you sceptics!


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Holy Shit!

Why has no-one ever made a game with a reliable direct IP multiplayer since Duke Nukem 3D? Our panel investigates:

Civ4: Great Game. Gash multiplayer: Gamespy Arcade (server browser) crashes my (new, flawless) computer. BSOD’s it actually! NOTHING else has ever done that! Nice! DirectIP worked once and has never worked since, even though nothing changed. SORT IT OUT!
Dawn of War: What the FUCK is it with you needing to register the game to play it online these days? NO! This is not how it works. I don’t want to choose a password! I WANT TO PLAY THE GAME! Hence me buying it! Dawn of War is a great game too, but with one small flaw: you cant play online without patching, and their patching system fatally crashes the game and permanently corrupts the install! Currently when I click on the exe, nothing happens! Moreover, someone has my install disc so I can’t play it. IF THIS IS YOU, GIVE IT BACK!
Far Cry: We must let this one off for being an indie title. BUT THE MULTIPLAYER IS STILL MYSTERIOUSLY SHIT? It’s another “pick a password” game but this part is much more painless than DoW – however it then goes to a “connecting…” screen after which one of two things happens:
1) NOTHING AT ALL
2) IT ASKS FOR A CD KEY WHICH I DON’T HAVE COS IT’S IN THE BOX I LENT TO SOMEONE. IF THIS IS YOU, GIVE IT BACK!
UT2004: Excellent multiplay, as can be expected from an arena game. My CD Key got blocked for no reason, but I e-mailed them and a very nice guy called Jeff gave me a new one. Thanks, Jeff! Unfortunately this game is currently not in John’s arsenal so we still COULDN’T PLAY IT ARSE
Counter-strike source: That’s right, kids – the latest iteration of a game I’ve been playing since 2000 is STILL the only consistently reliable internet multiplayer game on my sprawling, modern, high-tech system. And it’s not like I’m even doing the dodgy like I used to… I actually own ALL of the above games! Legitimate, packaged versions! WHY ARE THEY FORSAKING ME?!
Epicene: This is a play by Ben Jonson that I had to resort to reading because of the above. It’s good but the multiplayer is SHIT


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Another Epistle for y’all

Tumbleweeds were blowing, and the sun was beating down on a procession of wagons that was rolling ‘cross the ground, and in them pioneers were riding through the desert’s deadly heart: seeking out new fortunes in their dusty covered carts.

Now, you may not think it worthwhile to have this scene set for you. You may say you’ve seen it all before – but wait, there’s something new: these people, on their normal journey, met an unexpected fate… it was strange, bizarre and weird, and so their tale I shall relate:

So, it seems one night they set up camp and lighted up their fires – smoke and banjo music drifted up higher and higher to the strobe lights in the sky that were coasting down from space, the first illuminations of an extraterrestrial race. The mysterious elder saw it first and pointed upwards, “look! I’ve never seen anything quite so weird!” – and that was all it took for every single man, woman and child to glance up at the sky… and what they saw, it made them scream, run, panic and cry.

The ship descended all majestic, just like in that film. Lights coruscated off its surface and a musical trill sounded as this saucer-shaped ambassador, from pastures truly new, touched down beside the wagons and their now unhappy crew. Of course, at the time, no-one had imagined anything quite like this – shiny landing legs protruded with an inkling of a hiss, and every pioneer took cover, threw their things upon the floor; all staring from their vantage points and the shiny silver door…

The door slid open in a blaze of searing weird light, and inside stood an alien amidst reams of dry ice, who stepped out on the shiny gangway as the crowd prepared to run like a buffalo herd – but from the alien’s mouth were issued the following strange words. He said,

“Folks, I’ve been a-travellin’ all through space for many years… I guess, from that perspective, we are also pioneers. So if you don’t mind, what I’d like is just to hang out with you guys”

and the leader stood up from behind his box and said “That sounds just fine”

The visitor walked over to the fire, grabbed a discarded banjo and sat down.
And they sang a hoe-down
all night long…


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Back to Faceics

Worked today on a recording of ‘A Brief Distraction’ – this is a slightly less overt collaboration with the Jones, who wrote the chords and then left them with me. I wrote the lyrics and have been consigning the whole thing to record today. They’re some of my most ‘personal’ lyrics and the song has proved a live favourite, boring everyone senseless in a good, dylan-y way.

‘A Brief Distraction’ is the third in a series of tracks that have been coming out of the bedroom here in Exeter over the last few weekends. The other two are ‘Poets in Towers’ and ‘Leaf Fall Timetable’. I’ve removed the old, shit version of the latter from the media page and will probably put up whichever of these tracks is finished first in it’s place. ‘Leaf Fall’ needs a bassline from a synth voice I can’t yet sucessfully replicate, ‘Poets’ is all but done, needing only master production, and ‘Distraction’ needs a harmonica and I’m going to experiment a bit with the e-Bow just cos.

There are some new songs and hopefully a recording of ‘Third Single’ planned for the next few weekends – these will form the backbone of the FaceOmeter EP early next year.


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Events occur in real time

boop… beep…. boop… beep…



Guy in suit: OK we have a situation. Where’s Jack Bauer?

Woman: Here he comes now!


Jack: OK, co-ordinate with district. I want everybody on this. You have to trust me. Dammit, we lost him. Here comes tony?

Tony: I’m walking towards you in real time. This is the amount of time it would actually take me to walk over to you.

Jack: Fuck!



Meanwhile…



Arabic Madman: I estimate that this incredibly complicated scheme will take roughly 24 hours. Approximately. That’s real time by the way.

Henchman: Can you be more exact about that?

Arabic Madman: SOMETIME WITHIN THE

Beans: The Musical

Car at the bottom of my road has the following three stickers on its back window:

1. Countryside Alliance
2. Vote Conservative!
3. University of Exeter

And saying so to some means nothing; others it leaves nothing to be said


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Feels like I’m chaaaaaaaasing the guy from lucky charms

Allons all,

As I type, the illustrious Jones is comatose beside me like a twit. Last night was work on a new song we can only describe as “ambitious” (actually, the Jones would probably describe it as “mmfgdmghghghghghghg” if I asked now, but hey). I brutally arose early for some CIV 4 and to design some tres simple handouts for tomorrow’s gig. So I shall leave you with this missive of love and a lingering sensation of dread. YES


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Roses are red / Violets are blue / All of my base / Are belong to you…


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the feeling you get from jumping out of an aeroplane at 10,000 only to discover that your parachute is broken

Today is a festival of mighty things, some mysterious, some not, some happy, some sad, some neither, and both.

But that is the nature of mystery…

A week today sees an exciting and FaceOmeter-organised gig at the angel. Here’s the line up:

DADDY HO
FACEOMETER feat. MAX JONES
THE OPEN MIC HOST BASTARDS (they haven’t given me a stage name)

The more people come down to this one, the more likely it is to recur on a regular basis… so I beg you. Make haste.

And GRATZ!

That’s SUNDAY NOVEMBER 13TH, 8:30PM, THE ANGEL, EXETER

Be there or die!

And now back to recording


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